Woman Compass Not Command.
A compass does not peck or prompt; it points out direction.
As my womanhood continues to unfold, I see that there is more refinement that must happen.
I used to think that men were mostly incapable of thinking on their own, that they needed uxorial prompting, but I have come to understand that was an unfair perception, so where did those beliefs come from?
From other women!
Moms, aunts, friends, books, and gossip have all been contributing culprits, sponsoring the claim that men don’t listen to women.
I recall as a child that most of the women in my family, with the exception of my mom, acted imperiously over their husbands, and I still see that behavior today.
What I find most common is the postulate that men have to be “told over and over again” what to do and that this repetition is necessary in order to get them to do it. There seems to be an inference that, somehow, they hear things differently than woman.
In the book, Men are from Mars and women are from Venus, the author, John Gray Ph.D., claims that men and women are different and basically like they are from two different planets. He suggests that they are “motivated” differently. “Men are motivated when they feel needed while women are motivated when they feel cherished.”1
Motivating or inspiring others may seem to require constant prodding, but I believe that when we women are asking something of a man, we must first check our disposition.
I am not intimating that this problem is the responsibility of women, but in this article, I prefer to address the issues of how what a woman says most definitely affects a man’s response.
At NewsHealth.com in an article by Amanda MacMillan, I read that “Men are five and a half times more likely to lose their hearing than women, according to a 2008 study from Johns Hopkins University.”2
I wonder if this is because men begin to shut off their hearing when women nag them too much!
There have been many times when I have clearly made requests to my husband and they’ve gone unnoticed and unaccomplished.
I was told by a friend that her husband was diligently working on their lawn, which had some dirt patches, and she watched him every day for about a week. He tried fertilizer, pest control products, and other such things to get those patches to grow green grass, but to no avail.
She said that he would stomp on the grass in frustration and at times verbally express displeasure at the lawn. She decided it was time to intervene.
She gently interrupted her husband’s huff and said, “Dear, you keep yelling and stomping on the grass, so I ask you, if you were the grass, would you want to come out and grow?”
I love that story, and it led me to ask myself if I would rather be a hector or a helpmate.
I had to confess that too many times I nagged and berated my spouse in order to get him moving in the direction I needed, but it was scorching the marriage. The mere stress of repeating myself along with gearing myself up from utter frustration began to wear on me as well as the relationship, so a change was needed.
As I usually turn to prayer for answers, I asked God what I needed to know about communicating with my husband and men in general. I came across this most profound suggestion in the book of Proverbs 25:11, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver” (ESV).
That picture was beautiful to me, and that is how I wanted to sound, so I continued in prayer about this, asking that, when I speak, I sound sincere and welcoming, and it worked!
God reworked my thoughts about my spouse and men in general, and soon my husband and I were more in alignment. I focused on speaking graciously, and he focused on listening to me. Do we get it exactly right every time? No, but we stay with it until we do.
In Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, Mary Baker Eddy writes that, “Love inspires, illumines, designates, and leads the way. Right motives give pinions to thought, and strength and freedom to speech and action.”
She is referring to divine Love in her statement. The love that God is, which breaks down all barriers of communication and sends forth a message with wings of love so that the idea takes flight and is accomplished.
How we speak, how we ask, will determine the outcome.
In John Gray’s book, Chapter 5, he explains why men and women often misunderstand each other. He proposes that it is because “the languages they speak are different.”3 I agree with that, but I also believe that when all of us, male and female, speak the language of love, every ear bends to listen.
In 1 Corinthians 13:5, Paul wrote that love “is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured.” (AMP)
So the next time you want your man to hear you, try flavoring your words with love. I trust that it will get the job done!
ESV-English Standard Version
1 Gray, John. “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.” Genius. 2014. Accessed August 27, 2016. http://genius.com/John-gray-men-are-from-mars-women-are-from-venus-annotated.
2 “5 Surprising Ways Men and Women Sense Things Differently.” Health News / Tips & Trends / Celebrity Health. 2015. Accessed August 27, 2016. http://news.health.com/2015/03/26/5-surprising-ways-men-and-women-sense-things-differently/.
3 Gray, John.
I was at a local hardware store with two of my dogs, and a woman came over to see them. We conversed about dogs and she told me that she was hoping to get a Tibetan Mastiff. She took out her phone and showed me a photo of one.
I commented on how beautiful those dogs were, and she said she heard that they were very expensive. I told her that they are, in fact, they are the most expensive breed of dogs in the world. She asked how much, and I told her that dog would cost 2 million dollars.
She gasped and remarked that she would “never” be able to have one of those unless “of course” she finds a rich man to marry.
I politely reminded her that she doesn’t need to find a rich man—she just needs to become a rich woman.
Are we women really still believing that we need a man with money in order to live a rich lifestyle?
Sadly, I think we are!
One hundred sixty-seven females in the world are billionaires, and 57% of women participate in the work force.
“About 15 percent of American millionaires are self-made women, BMO said, while the rest got their fortune from marriage or inheritance,” writes Robert Frank at CNBC.com.1
So of all the richest people in the entire world, 10% are women! The percentages are broken down beginning with the country that has the most female millionaires: Portugal—23.8 percent, Philippines—21.0 percent, Peru—18.3 percent, Hong Kong—18.0 percent and Turkey—17.4 percent, Netherlands—5.9 percent, Russia—5.7 percent, Mexico—5.3 percent Saudi Arabia—3.8 percent and Japan—3.7 percent.2
There is no doubt that we women have made great strides over the past 25 years, but why stop now? We still have a long way to go in order to demonstrate our true capabilities, but with primitive ideals such as that of the woman at the hardware store, progress will be prolonged.
The notion that women are incomplete beings who need a man’s income in order to find worth, value, and security is self-depreciating and demeaning. This kind of thinking constricts the further movement regarding equal rights for women and sets it backwards to an antiquated era.
I have both worked with and worked for wonderful men who are not financially wealthy who have shared with me that most women they meet are looking for a “sugar daddy.” Some of the first questions women ask them are what their portfolio looks like or how much their yearly salary is. These groups of men have exclaimed that many women’s concepts of a true relationship are both “shallow and unrealistic.”
I have also heard many women say that they “wished” they could find a rich man to take care of them. In fact, I happen to live in an area where it is not uncommon to see very wealthy older men with much younger women. Sadly, these women are labeled “gold diggers.”
The primitive idea that has been passed down over the generations that women are not equal to men along with the reinforcement of gender bias has hampered womanhood.
Instead of planning to catch a rich man, contemplate becoming a surgeon. Instead of cooking up ways to get pregnant in order to trap a man into marrying you, become a chef. And for the women who are selling themselves cheaply, consider raising your standards to priceless!
Maybe we women underestimate the power of womanhood and our enormous capabilities, and as we continue to empower men, the power of femininity is attenuated.
In the gospel of Luke 8:48, it is written that Jesus said to the woman who had an issue of blood, “And he said to her, ‘Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace’” (ESV). The fact that He called her daughter suggests that we come from royalty, and this text is supported in Genesis 1:27: “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.”(ESV)
We women possess the qualities of Spirit; strength, courage, tenacity, intelligence, resilience, and ingenuity. Seeking from within to engage womanhood with amplitude, talent, energy, and prudence will allow us far greater opportunities to manifest independence and prosperity!
ESV-English Standard Version
1 “How Many Female Millionaires Are There?” How Many Female Millionaires Are There? Accessed September 19, 2016. http://finance.yahoo.com/news/many-female-millionaires-150000024.html.
2 Kirkova, Deni. “Why Aren’t There More Female Millionaires? Women Make up Just 10% of World’s Richest - but in Portugal Percentage Leaps to 23%.” Mail Online. 2013. Accessed September 19, 2016. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2511277/Why-arent-female-millionaires-Women-make-just-10-worlds-richest--Portugal-percentage-leaps-23.html.